Mama Said Knock You Out

Mama Said Knock You Out - LL Cool J (mmm, LL! - one of my first and favorite Cd's)

This might not be your typical parenting song.  First things first: allow me to set the record straight by prefacing: I have no intention of knocking my kids out (although it has crossed my mind at times).  I call this a parenting song because I'm gearing up, ready to face this battle called parenting.  I'm telling the boys: "FREAKIN' bring it!  Let's see what you've got.. I'm sure I'll win, so let's do this!"

I know I'm not alone in this feeling: spring fever is alive and well.  We are approximately 8 weeks from summer time.  That leaves moms a finite timeline for wrapping up loose ends, preparing for: the kids to be home ALL day, EVERY day.  This also means, kids are running on fumes as well.  I have the utmost respect for teachers during these last few weeks.

Maybe you think a parenting song should be something softer, and sweeter, like Baby Mine (from Dumbo, performed by Bette Midler), or maybe you need Stevie Wonder's Isn't She Lovely, but then again, maybe your kids aren't almost 7, and almost 9..  Maybe your kids ARE almost 7 & 9, but maybe yours actually listen.    Maybe you don't have an 8 year old that broods (what an 8 year old possibly has to brood about is beyond me).  Maybe your 6, almost 7 year old doesn't throw fits like he did when he was 4...  Maybe yours (kids) always make the best decisions, use their words, and don't throw temper tantrums.  Seriously - if you try to tell me they always make the best decisions and use their words, I'll call you a big, fat, freaking liar!

I did my fair share of reading when I was pregnant, and I don't recall the books warning me of the school ages.  It seems the parenting magazines are all geared towards new parents.  What about us somewhat seasoned parents?  Do you think we have this all figured out now that they're in school?

Here's what I didn't find in the pregnancy parenting books:

You are going to have to state otherwise obvious statements.  Multiple times. Every day.

Things like: When we get inside, hang your backpacks up next to your jackets.  Then put your shoes in the drawer, so we can find them in the morning.

the next morning.
mom: "Where are your shoes?"
kid: "I don't know.  I don't remember where I put them."
mom: "hmm... seems like I remind you every day to put them up where they belong.  Maybe today, when I remind you, you won't 'yeah yeah' me."

As your child gets older, the information they 'know' is irrefutable.

the arguing.  oh lord, the arguing.  One day during homework, I corrected Aidan's sentence.  He proceeded to tell me how wrong I was, and I didn't know what I was talking about..... (Oh no, that poor child. He didn't even know what was about to be unleashed.)

I said, "Let me tell you something.  I may not have my masters or doctorate, but, I was promoted to the next grade level  ever year, and I got my high school diploma.  Then I went off to college, and I managed to complete my Bachelors of Science degree in Family Studies with a minor in Fashion Design, and three hours short of a second minor in Addictive Behaviors, so, if I tell you your punctuation is wrong on that dag gum sentence, you'd best believe it is wrong!  Do I need to get my diploma and degree out to show you?"  It was promptly followed with an obedient, "No ma'am."

Perhaps I went overboard.  I'm willing to consider the previous statement.  I do have a theory that sometimes, it's beneficial to go a tad bit ranting crazy, to prove your point.  Firstly, I believe it's beneficial to do this periodically (but not often, or consistently); enough to leave them wondering: Is this (current) discussion the one where she might fly off the handle?  Secondly, I believe it to be a valid parenting technique to maintain your own confrontational skills.  You have to keep these maintained for when they become teenagers.

I've found, if I go on a slight rant with my raised eyebrow, and mom voice (as Aidan aptly identified), the boys know they're better off backing down.

No matter how well your intentions/ideation of an event or process, it's NOT going to go as you'd imagined/hoped.

I hear all the time about families running errands together.  I see them all the time, while I'm out by myself.  they always look happy... uh... this is NOT the case at the Bailey household.  You would NOT believe the amount of bitching those boys do, if you announce an errand list.  Groaning, moaning, bargaining.  it's absolutely ridiculous.  

Just the other day, I dropped one son off, and thought: wouldn't it be nice to bring home ice cream to the son (that remains at home).  What a nice treat, right?!  I ordered a scoop of birthday cake (the flavor he orders 99% of the time).  Well, shit on me, wouldn't you know it, that's not the flavor he wanted!!  It's enough to drive me insane.  Why do I even bother?!

Can you imagine the audacity I had, to have ordered birthday cake?!  What a crappy mom?!  Seriously, where is CPS when you need them? 

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I will give them this: The other night at dinner (which I will spare you my rant on dinners), I was fixing a new recipe (bacon wrapped scallops - so YUM).  [I typically don't identify dinner until the last minute to avoid the groans of displeasure towards my cooking and entree selections.]  I told the boys we were having a kind of fish stick.  As usual, they inspected it with a grimace, and reluctantly tried it.  (I was totally mentally prepared for the usual tears, and shoving the dinner plate away).  What do you know, Liam ate it, and it's his new favorite meal.  It's just enough to keep me going..