I almost forgot to post: National ADHD Awareness week. Irony anyone?!

This week is National ADHD Awareness week.

I remember when my brother was diagnosed as ADHD, I read through the pamphlets, and asked my mom, "do you think I could be ADD?" "Nah," she replied, "we'd know if you were."   My mother did a wonderful job teaching me to manage myself, but it was also incredibly helpful having her manage me.  When I was on my own, I got by, barely.  I'd forget to call, forget to pay bills, sleep through finals.  I had helpful friends, and Jeremy.  When I had a family, forget it.  Everyday I'd wake up hoping, "please let today be the day I get my shit together.  The laundry is piled up, the school work is piled up, the unopened mail is piled up.  I've got piles everywhere.  This is NO way to live.  Gaa, I suck, I can not get my sh&^ together.  

A few years ago, I heard a commercial for adults with ADHD.  It sounded VERY familiar, like they'd been spying on me.  I presented my 'theory' to my mom.  Her response was devastating, "Nope, I think you're just unmotivated."  Oh, okay, I AM just that lazy.  cool. (insert MEGA sarcasm)  The next week she called, "Uh, Jenn, I was watching Dr. Oz today, and I think you might be right about the ADD.  It sounded like they were describing you.  It might be worth talking to your Dr. about."  I made the appointment that week.  I discussed my 'theory' with my Dr.  (I'm very fortunate to have a Dr. that really listens).  He sent me to a (ahem, I love the official title) a cognitive behavioral therapist.  After visiting with him several times (we discussed my school experiences, home experiences, my thoughts, etc.).  I took some 'tests', lo and behold (scoring in the 70's -100 placing you at ADHD, I scored a 97... yah.... hmmm... nice to finally know. It was like the final missing link to my 'problems'.  Since then, I've re-claimed my self confidence.  I've learned to effectively manage myself and my family.  Oddly enough, it was one of the best diagnoses I've ever received.  It was like removing the titles, "lazy, stupid, crazy, or unmotivated" to my list of adjectives.  

ADHD Symptoms Inattention & Impulsitivity 

(that's the ones I have. lucky me!)

1. Often does not give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities

How many tests did I not do well on, despite KNOWING the material?  My mom would quiz me, I could give you the answer forwards and backwards, then come test time: CHOKE.  We just 'chalked it up to', I'm just not a good test taker.  It was also really embarrassing when they handed back tests.  I never volunteered my scores and really hated those girls that wanted to SHARE scores. I  make so many CARELESS..Ughhh... drives me crazy.  no matter how much I proof-read, I promise, there's a careless mistake in there somewhere.  

2.  Often has trouble keeping attention on tasks or play activities.

ESPECIALLY if it's boring or uninteresting.  Playing poker, video games, or televised sports require WAY TOO much concentration.  I can't devote that kind of concentration to something I could care less about.  Nope, I don't choose to sit in the front at church or meetings because I'm a kiss a$$, it's because if I don't, I won't pay ANY attention.  If you catch me sitting at the back of a meeting, it's because I'm not concerned with retaining any information.  (at least I'm honest)

3.  Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly.

huh? What were we talking about.  Sorry, I couldn't focus because I'm trying to understand why you chose to wear those pants with that shirt.  *Or*  I can't focus because someone over there is making a weird noise every 18 seconds (yep, I timed it).  *OR*  I wonder what type of shampoo you use.  It kinda smells like Salon Selectives. which smells JUST LIKE Bath and Body Works's country apple (I wonder if they even still produce that flavor, if so, it's been around a LONG time).  what were you talking about again?

4.  Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions).

yep, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  I'm really sorry.  I wanted to, I really did.  I don't know what to say, I guess I just suck. I can't tell you the number of homework lessons I failed to turn in.  I think that's why I continue to have the 'I'm late to the final' dreams.  

5.  Often has trouble organizing activities.

I'm obsessed with container store, and I love the look of organized everything.  AND yet, I often have a hard time knowing where to start with, so I procrastinate trying to conceptually work something out in my head, so I can produce it as 'effectively' as I think it can be done.  Often, starting a project is so much harder than actual project itself.  In a cruel twist, organization is CRUCIAL to someone with ADHD.  I've learned I have to work harder at organization and STAYING organized.  

6.  Often avoids, dislikes, or doesn’t want to do things that take a lot of mental effort for a long period of time (such as schoolwork or homework).

I can remember telling a friend. "Nah, I don't think I'm going to do it (homework).  He couldn't understand why I would do that.  After a long day of school, then work or dance, it was at least another couple hours to decompress and change tasks, I just couldn't concentrate like I knew I needed to. I don't think I read an entire book of required reading in high school.  (most classics remain on my bucket list.)

7.  Often loses things needed for tasks and activities (e.g. toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools).

"Jennifer, you have one of those.  Where is it?" 
Jennifer, "Um, I don't know, I can't find it, it's somewhere."

8.  Is often easily distracted.

I literally notice all noise.  It's hard to determine background vs. foreground noise, because it's all foreground noise. (Bedtime is really fun - nose whistles, barking dogs, train horns, cars passing by - I hear it all)   This is frustrating and distracting.  This distraction leads me to frustration and anxiety.  I know I'm not going to be able to focus, which I really want to do, so I get anxious about the upcoming events and activities.  Then when the distraction presents itself, which it WILL present itself, I get extremely frustrated, and don't always handle the situation as best as I can.  Which presents future anxiety about the NEXT, and so on, and so forth.. it's a really fun cycle..  Maybe it's why my family's nickname for me was 'Katie KaBoom' (animaniacs) - yah, lovely..

9.  Is often forgetful in daily activities.

Um, I've missed teacher conferences, volunteer dates.  Yep, pretty embarrassing.  It's one thing if it's for me, and ENTIRELY different thing if it's for my kids.  Waking up every day, hoping and praying, "Please let today be the day I get my 's*(t together."

1. Impulsivity
1. Often blurts out answers before questions have been finished.
3. yep
4. 
   
5. 2.  Often has trouble waiting one’s turn.
6. OhMY GAWWWSSSHH..... I swear I pick the LONGEST lines. I always get the SLOWEST clerks.  Uh..... it sucks. (Is it possible I'm impatient, or is everyone else taking FOREVER?! The speed limit, and people that drive the speed limit drive me crazy.  My car, well, let's just say it has 'character'.  
7. 
   
8. 3.  Often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations or games).
9. yah, probably a little.. okay.. fine, whatever. it's me.  If I don't interrupt, I might forget what I want to say because I'm going to get distracted by something else!  I'm working on just eavesdropping, and not interrupting, I'm still me. I wanna know what's going on. (at least I'm honest.)

Look, I'm not at all saying, "Whoa is me." In fact, now that I KNOW I'm adhd, I give myself a break.  I'm not excusing my 'shortcomings', I just know what I need to do to accommodate.  I've ALWAYS been like this. Having been 'formally' diagnosed was just the final link.  It was actually relieving.  It was nice to know I'm not just lazy, or unmotivated.  It made SO much sense looking back to my childhood and school years.  I even grieved for 'what could have been'.  I think I could have had so much more success with school and career.  I no longer label myself with: "I'm just dumb, and I suck." That's pretty freeing.  Learning how to effectively manage has really made a positive impact on both myself and my family.  


Some people might be too embarrassed to admit they have ADHD.  Personally, I've had way too many ADHD related (wildly inappropriate) situations or comments to be embarrassed.  (Just another fun perk of ADHD!)


*Irony at its best: I wrote this post last week, in anticipation of ADHD Awareness Week.  Then, I forgot about it until today.  HA! How fitting!

Beds Are Burning

The time has come

To say fair's fair

to pay the rent

 to pay our share

the time has come

a fact's a fact

it belongs to them

let's give it back.

- Midnight Oil, Beds are Burning

It happened today.
I got the email.
I knew it was just a matter of time, but was still thrown off.
I think no matter how much you try to prepare yourself, it's still alarming when it arrives:
I got invited to a monthly Bunco party.

My friend heytell'd (seriously, my favorite app) me, and asked if we were even old enough for Bunco.  I heytell'd her back, "I'm afraid we are, in fact, old enough to play Bunco." Let's face it, I'm about to switch boxes on surveys.  Next year this time, I won't be checking the 18-34 box.  Nope, I'm a whole new demographic.  New companies will be soliciting me for their 'older demographics': probably nothing but medicinal muscle creams and arthritis meds.  Before you know it, I'll be getting AARP propaganda.

I have distinct memories of my mom having her Bunco nights.  Those nights meant early baths, bedtimes, and maybe a handful of m&m's after the ladies got there.  They were loud. Things could not be that funny to a bunch of moms, could they?  I guess we'll see.

What am I holding out for?  I've got a working theory: Bunco is a gateway game: it leads to Bridge, Mahjong, and eventually Bingo.  I'm just not sure I'm ready to take the plunge.  Next thing you know, I'll be have an entire recipe book of jell-o salads, and carrot cakes.

Someone should make an educational poster and sell it in college bookstores.  Girls ought to be informed on the progression of games.

Games of the different decades:

late teens - twenties: Quarters, Keg Stands, and I've Never

thirties - forties: Bunco, Bridge 

fifties and older: Bunco, Bridge, Mahjong, and BINGO.

I'm trying to embrace this.  I can't help that it makes me giggle.  I'm sure I will graciously accept the invite, and seek this new venture out - might as well.  I'll let you know how it goes.

P.S.: Why don't I like carrot cake? Because I"m not 70 or older. That's why.

P.p.s: this is written in good fun.  I don't really have anything against Bunco, or any organized games.  I actually LOVE any opportunity for my friends and I to get together.

It's My Life

Beatings will continue until morale improves.

That 'morale' poster is so funny to me.

One time Jeremy asked a co-worker why this was funny.  The guy didn't get it.  He had some other odd far-stretched theory.  He tried to explain to the guy, it's cyclical. 


I have found this to apply to motherhood as well with some changes:

Requests will cease once requests have been completed.

While waiting for one kid in Math club, the other 3 (I take 2 neighborhood girls home) were playing, and it gave me a chance to chat with some of my favorite mom friends.  We were discussing the monotony of our everyday phrases.


EVERY MEAL:
"Bottoms on the chair.
bottom on the chair, please.
bottoms on the chair, PLEASE.
Aidan, put your BOTTOM on the chair."


"Liam, please sit down while it's meal time.
Liam, where are you going? It's meal time, we're sitting at the table now.
LIAM, PLEASE sit down.
AIDAN, BOTTOM on the chair.
I'm sorry, babe, what were you saying about your meeting?"


"Please stop smacking.
Boys, please chew with your mouths closed.
Boys, please stop smacking, and use your good manners.
No, it doesn't mean chew slower, it just means we don't want to see your food. 
Why? because it's rude manners.
Yes, in some countries, it's a compliment, but not here. We chew with our mouths closed in America, and use good manners.
Thank you."


EVERY AFTERNOON:
"TV time over, please turn the TV off, and gather your homework.
Aidan, TV time is over.
AIDAN. please turn the TV OFF."


"homework is part of life, buddy
Yep, I do remember what it's like to be a kid.
Well, I'm sorry you feel like I'm ruining your life."


"Do you have your homework box?
Where's your homework box?
Homework boxes, please!
Boys: where do we keep the homework boxes?
please go put these homework boxes up."


EVERY EVENING:
"I need you to do 4 things:
brush your teeth & go potty
wash your hands
put your jammies on
pick out your book for night time reading.
okay, YES technically that's five things, I was counting the hygiene as 1 part, but we can count that as 2.
Fine, will you PLEASE do the FIVE things I've asked?
Have you brushed your teeth?
Liam, Aidan, have you boys brushed your teeth yet?
Boys, BRUSH your teeth.
THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE TEETH BRUSHING TO ME.
Alright, I'm going to start taking away privileges next time I come in here."


It's these phrases used day after day that grate on me.  What makes it even worse? The boys' response: 'gaaa.. you ALWAYS say that, or I know, I know..,  every day, you say, blah blah blah.....  (of course it's said in the nasally - this is how you're supposed to imitate your mom's voice).   grrrr 


Um, HELLO, IF YOU WOULD DO WHAT I ASKED, I WOULDN'T REPEAT MYSELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!!! We could actually discuss: what Ghost rider's costume for Halloween would be, or how cool it would be to have a 5 day survivor themed birthday party, but we can't, because I have parental obligations, and you're not obliging...


I can remember my aunt & uncle pre & post kids.  They seemed so much cooler pre-kids. (Sorry Dave & Lorna.)  Now I understand why: having kids sucks all the coolness out.  You don't have the energy for cool.  Energy is spent on repetitive phrases and consistency.  


I take solace knowing we're not the only parents out there going through the same thing.  I think it's one reason we're so excited when other couples get pregnant: misery loves company. (a little sick, I know).
Don't get me wrong: I wouldn't change my life for Kim Kardashian's wardrobe (endorsements, maybe).  It's my life, and I love it.  Doesn't mean I don't get sick of repeating myself and certainly reserve my right to bitch about it. (and that's what I'm doing).  

"It's my life

Don't you forget

It's my life

It never ends"

  - Talk Talk, (re-done by No Doubt)

True or False quiz & What's my name?!

Quiz:

True or false:  If mommy is sleeping, and daddy is playing x-box, you should ask mommy to get your breakfast.

Scenario:  Daddy is up playing an x-box game.  Mom is peacefully sleeping.  Liam asked whined to me, Sunday morning "I'm hungry, and I want my breakfast."  I tell him, "Ask Daddy to help you."  He whined back, "No, he's playing x-box."  [I may have had some loud words for him after that response.]

Several hours later, I return home from a delightful afternoon (Music Hall at Fair Park seeing West Side Story), and am instantly greeted with (by Liam), "What's for dinner?!"  [Again, it's possible I had some  loud words for him.] Where did this archaic 50's chauvinistic attitude come from?  Why is he in the mind set, only I am capable of meals.  I have some work cut out for me.

BTW: The correct answer to the above true or false question, is FALSE.  The sooner you (Liam) learn that, the happier mommy will be.

What's my name?

This past weekend we had our Cub Scouts camp out.  Somehow, I was lucky enough to be the scout leader to go up early and 'secure' our sites.  Friday after drop off (nope, still not walking everyday - like I set out to), I headed up north to Eisenhower State Park.  I 'secured' our sites. (I had to put the chits of paper on the clips so others would know the sites were taken).  Then I set up our tent.  I admit, I was pensive about this.  I was convinced I could, I mean, if I can set up a shark or frog tent in our living room, surely I can set up a 4-6 person real tent.  Lo and behold, I did it.  It didn't collapse nor did it move!  I felt a bit like Tom Hanks in Castaway when he created fire.  I think I even did a happy dance like he did.

what's my name?! 

The boys had a blast.  The weather was fantastic, and the company was great.  The boys ran themselves ragged.  It was so cool to be at a point where they can roam (within a reasonable distance) or ride bikes, and basically be entertained with their friends.  2 scraped knees (Aidan), one thorn bush attack (Liam) later, we packed it up early and headed home.  (We saw storms on the iPhones, and I made the call.  I'm all for an adventure, but I don't want to clean it up, and I know I'd be the one stuck cleaning everything up.  A shower and mattress never felt so good!  We had a great time.  I can't wait to do it again.  

My into to camping, thank you Kristin.

Kristin and I on one of the camping trips I took with her family.
circa 1993

Kristin has recently moved back and has a beautiful family of her own.  We can't wait to camp as families.  I'm hoping for this spring, as our fall is booked already.  How did that happen so quickly?!

Pink streak for the cause

Pink streak in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month.

     I love any opportunity to do something fun and funky to my hair.  While I realize that a streak won't help cure cancer, it can help make people aware.  I'm one of 'those' people that is of the opinion: "It's just hair."  I had a friends' mom say to me, "Only people with good hair say that."  hmmm.. while I can't say I have 'good' hair.  I can say, I have a LOT of it.  I will also say, I love having it cut short, then I love the wait of growing it back out.  Jeremy NEVER knows what he might come home to.  It's one aspect I fully enjoy being a girl and having options.  

     On a more serious note: While I was in there I witnessed an act of strength, courage and sisterly love.  My hair stylist's (a close family friend, Kathy) sister (Suzy) has cancer.  While I was processing (hair-ese for letting the color process), Suzy came in to have her head shaved.  Kathy did so, tenderly, and meticulous like you would expect a sister too.  I was so proud of both of them.  I can't imagine how hard it must have been for Kathy to take the clippers to Suzy's head.  So, while I say 'it's just hair', at the same time, it's hair, and NOT having it is a cruel reminder how cancer invades our lives.   It reminds me how precious my family and friends are to me.  It reminds me to not take time spent together with friends and family for granted.  It reinforces my un-wavering belief in the Lord above, and His master plan for all of us. I know we will all be reunited in a perfect, healthy heavenly body that my tiny human brain can't even begin to comprehend.  

     This week has flown by.  I knew it was going to be a busy one.  If I'm not mistaken, next week will be even busier.  Can I just say, I understand why the 'Real Housewives' always have assistants.  It's not possible to get everything done with just one person.   

First grader (score 1) v. Mom (score 0), and a weekend of Mr. Mom

Thursday I noticed my throat was hurting.  By Friday, it was kinda hurting some more.  Friday dinner time, I don't feel like doing squat, except for laying on the couch. I do, kinda, sorta, feel like I could eat some chips and queso.  So that's what I make.  Aidan doesn't mind, he joins me at the table.  Liam opts for an orange (fine, whatever).  Two hours later, Liam asks, "What's for dinner?"  To which I reply, "We're just snacking tonight, have some chips and queso."  Liam (the one most like me - in terms of loud outburst) shouts back, "I DON'T WANT CHIPS AND QUESO.  CHIPS AND QUESO ARE JUNK FOOD, AND I WANT HEALTHY FOODS, NOT JUNK FOOD!"  I bow my head in defeat.  How do you argue with that logic?  You can't, not without really messing with their heads, and I worry about permanent damage... so I don't argue..(sigh)  Liam 1, Mom 0.

The current topic of 1st grade: Healthy foods and healthy choices.  Don't tell me, my first grader isn't paying attention.

I spent most of the weekend sleeping.  When I entered my kitchen this morning, here's how it looked: Mr. Mom anyone? (I still love that movie.. and find it still relevant, even today)

to me, this picture says, 'We appreciate and love you mom, and we wanted to make sure you had something to do today!'  Isn't that what the picture says to you?!

My hats off to Jeremy who did a wonderful job this weekend.  They played Marvel and earned extra suits, (whatever that means).  Jeremy had to pick the older one up from a birthday party [typically mom's department].  He took them to a movie with Uncle Chad, and (here's the part to be REALLY impressed: he purchased a baby gift OFF a registry!!  You read that correctly, AND I didn't even have to tell him where Baby's R Us is.  Maybe he used his GPS, maybe he called my mom.. I don't know, point is, he didn't call me, he let me rest! Seriously, Impressive work, Mr. Bailey! (no sarcasm this time, just pure appreciation!)

*and no, mom, I'm not going to the doctor for a cold, or small sinus infection.* {I'm pretty sure that's what it was.  I diagnosed myself, thanks to WebMD.  Jeremy just LOVES it when I get on WebMd and start diagnosing.  I should totally be a diagnostician!} {whispering} tell me where it hurts!