I remember when my brother was diagnosed as ADHD, I read through the pamphlets, and asked my mom, "do you think I could be ADD?" "Nah," she replied, "we'd know if you were." My mother did a wonderful job teaching me to manage myself, but it was also incredibly helpful having her manage me. When I was on my own, I got by, barely. I'd forget to call, forget to pay bills, sleep through finals. I had helpful friends, and Jeremy. When I had a family, forget it. Everyday I'd wake up hoping, "please let today be the day I get my shit together. The laundry is piled up, the school work is piled up, the unopened mail is piled up. I've got piles everywhere. This is NO way to live. Gaa, I suck, I can not get my sh&^ together.
A few years ago, I heard a commercial for adults with ADHD. It sounded VERY familiar, like they'd been spying on me. I presented my 'theory' to my mom. Her response was devastating, "Nope, I think you're just unmotivated." Oh, okay, I AM just that lazy. cool. (insert MEGA sarcasm) The next week she called, "Uh, Jenn, I was watching Dr. Oz today, and I think you might be right about the ADD. It sounded like they were describing you. It might be worth talking to your Dr. about." I made the appointment that week. I discussed my 'theory' with my Dr. (I'm very fortunate to have a Dr. that really listens). He sent me to a (ahem, I love the official title) a cognitive behavioral therapist. After visiting with him several times (we discussed my school experiences, home experiences, my thoughts, etc.). I took some 'tests', lo and behold (scoring in the 70's -100 placing you at ADHD, I scored a 97... yah.... hmmm... nice to finally know. It was like the final missing link to my 'problems'. Since then, I've re-claimed my self confidence. I've learned to effectively manage myself and my family. Oddly enough, it was one of the best diagnoses I've ever received. It was like removing the titles, "lazy, stupid, crazy, or unmotivated" to my list of adjectives.
(that's the ones I have. lucky me!)
- Often does not give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities
How many tests did I not do well on, despite KNOWING the material? My mom would quiz me, I could give you the answer forwards and backwards, then come test time: CHOKE. We just 'chalked it up to', I'm just not a good test taker. It was also really embarrassing when they handed back tests. I never volunteered my scores and really hated those girls that wanted to SHARE scores. I make so many CARELESS..Ughhh... drives me crazy. no matter how much I proof-read, I promise, there's a careless mistake in there somewhere.
2. Often has trouble keeping attention on tasks or play activities.
ESPECIALLY if it's boring or uninteresting. Playing poker, video games, or televised sports require WAY TOO much concentration. I can't devote that kind of concentration to something I could care less about. Nope, I don't choose to sit in the front at church or meetings because I'm a kiss a$$, it's because if I don't, I won't pay ANY attention. If you catch me sitting at the back of a meeting, it's because I'm not concerned with retaining any information. (at least I'm honest)
3. Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly.
huh? What were we talking about. Sorry, I couldn't focus because I'm trying to understand why you chose to wear those pants with that shirt. *Or* I can't focus because someone over there is making a weird noise every 18 seconds (yep, I timed it). *OR* I wonder what type of shampoo you use. It kinda smells like Salon Selectives. which smells JUST LIKE Bath and Body Works's country apple (I wonder if they even still produce that flavor, if so, it's been around a LONG time). what were you talking about again?
4. Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions).
yep, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm really sorry. I wanted to, I really did. I don't know what to say, I guess I just suck. I can't tell you the number of homework lessons I failed to turn in. I think that's why I continue to have the 'I'm late to the final' dreams.
5. Often has trouble organizing activities.
I'm obsessed with container store, and I love the look of organized everything. AND yet, I often have a hard time knowing where to start with, so I procrastinate trying to conceptually work something out in my head, so I can produce it as 'effectively' as I think it can be done. Often, starting a project is so much harder than actual project itself. In a cruel twist, organization is CRUCIAL to someone with ADHD. I've learned I have to work harder at organization and STAYING organized.
6. Often avoids, dislikes, or doesn’t want to do things that take a lot of mental effort for a long period of time (such as schoolwork or homework).
I can remember telling a friend. "Nah, I don't think I'm going to do it (homework). He couldn't understand why I would do that. After a long day of school, then work or dance, it was at least another couple hours to decompress and change tasks, I just couldn't concentrate like I knew I needed to. I don't think I read an entire book of required reading in high school. (most classics remain on my bucket list.)
7. Often loses things needed for tasks and activities (e.g. toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools).
"Jennifer, you have one of those. Where is it?"
Jennifer, "Um, I don't know, I can't find it, it's somewhere."
Jennifer, "Um, I don't know, I can't find it, it's somewhere."
8. Is often easily distracted.
I literally notice all noise. It's hard to determine background vs. foreground noise, because it's all foreground noise. (Bedtime is really fun - nose whistles, barking dogs, train horns, cars passing by - I hear it all) This is frustrating and distracting. This distraction leads me to frustration and anxiety. I know I'm not going to be able to focus, which I really want to do, so I get anxious about the upcoming events and activities. Then when the distraction presents itself, which it WILL present itself, I get extremely frustrated, and don't always handle the situation as best as I can. Which presents future anxiety about the NEXT, and so on, and so forth.. it's a really fun cycle.. Maybe it's why my family's nickname for me was 'Katie KaBoom' (animaniacs) - yah, lovely..
9. Is often forgetful in daily activities.
Um, I've missed teacher conferences, volunteer dates. Yep, pretty embarrassing. It's one thing if it's for me, and ENTIRELY different thing if it's for my kids. Waking up every day, hoping and praying, "Please let today be the day I get my 's*(t together."
- Impulsivity
- Often blurts out answers before questions have been finished.
- yep
- 2. Often has trouble waiting one’s turn.
- OhMY GAWWWSSSHH..... I swear I pick the LONGEST lines. I always get the SLOWEST clerks. Uh..... it sucks. (Is it possible I'm impatient, or is everyone else taking FOREVER?! The speed limit, and people that drive the speed limit drive me crazy. My car, well, let's just say it has 'character'.
- 3. Often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations or games).
- yah, probably a little.. okay.. fine, whatever. it's me. If I don't interrupt, I might forget what I want to say because I'm going to get distracted by something else! I'm working on just eavesdropping, and not interrupting, I'm still me. I wanna know what's going on. (at least I'm honest.)
Look, I'm not at all saying, "Whoa is me." In fact, now that I KNOW I'm adhd, I give myself a break. I'm not excusing my 'shortcomings', I just know what I need to do to accommodate. I've ALWAYS been like this. Having been 'formally' diagnosed was just the final link. It was actually relieving. It was nice to know I'm not just lazy, or unmotivated. It made SO much sense looking back to my childhood and school years. I even grieved for 'what could have been'. I think I could have had so much more success with school and career. I no longer label myself with: "I'm just dumb, and I suck." That's pretty freeing. Learning how to effectively manage has really made a positive impact on both myself and my family.
Some people might be too embarrassed to admit they have ADHD. Personally, I've had way too many ADHD related (wildly inappropriate) situations or comments to be embarrassed. (Just another fun perk of ADHD!)
*Irony at its best: I wrote this post last week, in anticipation of ADHD Awareness Week. Then, I forgot about it until today. HA! How fitting!
Some people might be too embarrassed to admit they have ADHD. Personally, I've had way too many ADHD related (wildly inappropriate) situations or comments to be embarrassed. (Just another fun perk of ADHD!)
*Irony at its best: I wrote this post last week, in anticipation of ADHD Awareness Week. Then, I forgot about it until today. HA! How fitting!
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